What follows is my quotes file.
These are quotes that I have found highly profound, useful or hillarious. HOWEVER, here is absolutly no reason to believe that you will. You have been warned!
Click here to return to my home page. Otherwise, enjoy.

'Resistance is Futile.'
-- Locutus of Borg: Star Trek TNG: Best of Both Worlds I
'Its origin and purpose, still a total mystery.'
-- Dr. Heywood Floyd, 2001: A Space Odyssey
'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.'
-- Bottom of the cafeteria menu on 19 May 1992
-- Ray Stevens: 'The Streak'
'I've got a _bad_ feeling about this...'
-- Hans Solo (Harrison Ford) in Star Wars : A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi
'He'll regret it to his dying day, If ever he should live that long.'
-- 'Red' Will Dananaher, from the movie 'The Quiet Man'
'I had an ex-wife like that...'
-- Joe Prieto
'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line... Ahaha-Ahaha (Thud)'
-- Vizzini, in "The Princess Bride"

'This sucks, Beavis!'

-- Butthead
'A dream to some, a nightmare to others!'
-- Merlin (Nichol Williamson): Excalibur
'My God! It's full of stars!'
-- David Bowman... 2001: A Space Odyssey
'I love it when a .plan comes together...'
-- Hannibal Smith {sort of} (George Peppard): The A-Tea
'Dave, I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission'
-- HAL 9000: 2001, A Space Odessey
'Jack not name, Jack _JOB!_'
-- Jack (Sweetum's): The Muppet Movie
'The opposite of 'pro' is 'con', so the opposite of progress is congress'
-- Gallager
'Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!'
-- unknown
'Everything is edible once...'
-- Chris Kaiser, IMSA class of 9? (who didn't know the origin of the quote)
'I just wanted to tell you both "Good Luck" we're all counting on you...'
-- Dr. Rumack (Leslie Neilsen) from the movie Airplane
'Why is it that my word processor's dictionary doesn't have "Websters" in it?'
-- me!
'There is no limit to what you can accomplish if you don't care who gets the
-- Harry S Truman
'Kids don't have ruts yet that adults carve into their minds.
They're born logical. Crooked thinking has to be taught'
-- James P. Hogan: from the book 'Entoverse'
'This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as
a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.'
-- Western Union memo, 1877
'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers'
-- Thomas Watson, IBM Chairman, 1943
'Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.'
-- Robert Heinlien
'We're on the edge of a revolution in communications technology...
that will cause an explosion of knowledge that will leave those of us that
don't have access to it to be as powerless as if we were deaf, dumb and
So what do we do about it? I don't know. But maybe a good start would be
to recognize within yourself the ability to understand ANYTHING, because that
ability's there as long as it's explained clearly enough, and then go and ask
for explanations. And if you're thinking right now, what do I ask for?
Ask yourself if there's anything in your life that you want changed...
That's where to start.'
-- James Burke, Author of "Connections" in 1978...
'Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.'
-- Mark Twain
'The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.'
-- Tom Clancy
'You hit the streets,
You see 'em staring,
You feel the hatred,
You see their eyes a'glaring,
Because your different,
Because your free,
Because your everything deep down they wished they could be...'
-- Bob Seger, 'Looking Back'
'All I got is a Red Guitar,
Three cords, and the truth.'
-- Bob Dylan, 'All Along The Watchtower'
'I'd trade all of my tomorrow's for one single yesterday'
-- Janis Joplin, 'Me and Bobby McGee'
'Fly on my sweet angel,
Fly on to the Sky,
Fly on my sweet Angel,
Tomorrow I will be by your side...'
-- Jimi Hendrix, 'Angel'
'Don't you love her madly?
Don't you need her badly?
Don't you love her way?
Tell me what you say!
Don't you love her madly?
Wanna be her Daddy?
Don't you love her as she's walking out the door?'
-- Jim Morrison (& The Doors), 'Love Her Madly'
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people
Time's tickin' away
Remember that
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people
Time's tickin' away'
-- Stevie Ray Vaughn, 'Tick Tock', Family Style
'Alpine Valley, in the middle of the night
Six Strings down, on a heaven-bound flight
Got a pick, a strap, guitar on his back
Ain't gonna cut the angels no slack
Heaven done called another blues stringer back home'
-- Jimmy Vaughn, 'Six Strings Down', Strange Pleasure
'Keys that gingle in your pocket,
Words that gangle in your head,
Why did someone go so quickly?
Was it something that you said?'
-- Dusty Springfield, 'Windmills of Your Mind'
'Christmas always seemed so far away'
-- Charlie Daniels, 'Carolina' : Full Moon.
'Although I would like the world to change,
it helps me to appreciate those nights and those dreams.
But my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
if I could make the earth and my dreams the same.
The only difference is to let love replace all of our hate.'
-- Creed "Higher Ground"

'I have a vision that tomorrow's gonna come,

And find us all sleeping in the heat of the sun...
They're going to cancel all of our tickets and leave us for dead,
while movies of our failures dance in our heads.
So lose all of those needles, and kill all your snakes,
Burn all of your demons, you better dance on their graves
'cause cool is a word that can never describe,
the pain that you see in a smack junkie's eyes.'
-- Vinnie James, 'Black Money': All-American Boy
'This is real, this is now,
This is a freakshow baby, anyhow..'
-- The Men, 'Church of Logic, Sin and Love': The Men
'When I woke up this morning, I was feeling mighty good.'
-- ZZ Top, 'Woke up with Wood': Afterburner
'Kiss a little baby,
Give the world a smile
if you take an inch
give 'em back a mile.
'cause if you lie like a rug,
and you don't give a damn,
you're never gonna be
as happy as a clam'
-- John Prine, 'It's a big old goofy world': Missing Years
'Music is love and love is music if you know what I mean...
People who believe in music are the happiest people I've ever seen.'
-- Mac Davis, 'I Believe in Music'
'To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden
patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.'
-- Emerson
'Not to Know is Bad
Not to Wish to Know is Worse
Not to Hope is Unthinkable
Not to Care is Unforgiveable'
-- IGBO Nigerian Proverb (thanks Samantha Gerth!)
'Treat The Earth Well,
It Was Not Given To You By Your Parents,
It Was Loaned To You By Your Children'
-- Ancient Proverb
'I just wanted to tell you both "Good Luck" we're all counting on you...'
-- Dr. Rumack (Leslie Neilsen) from the movie Airplane!
'When your only tool is a hammer,
all of your problems start looking like nails'
'It 's amazing how well people treat you
when you have a clawhammer in your hand'
-- Me! (on both counts)
"We had a schoolyard bully in Tuktoyaktuk once. Sometimes at night I can
still remember him coming into the classroom, swinging that otter over
his head. There was just no reasoning with him."
-- Benton Fraser (Paul Gross), TV Show: Due South: Episode "The Deal"
'Somebody above is in a desperate state,
Some kind of urgency, the kind that can't wait,
I say tomorrow,
He say today,
and the man in my head, well he tell me "No Way"
Keep working...
I got eight little fingers and only two thumbs,
Will you leave me in peace while I get the job done?
Can't you see I'm working?
Oh, Oh, I'm working on it
Oh, Oh, I'm working on it'
-- Chris Rea, 'Working on It': 'New light through Old Windows'
'I honestly think you ought to calm down;
take a stress pill and think things over.'
-- HAL 9000: 2001: A Space Odyssey
'Remember the good old 1980's,
When things were so uncomplicated,
I wish I could go back there again,
And everything could be the same...'
-- Electric Light Orchestra, 'Ticket to the Moon': 'Time'
'It's not as easy as it used to be,
finding time to let my mind wander...'
-- Joe Walsh, 'Indian Summer': 'But Seriously Folks'
'Entropy isn't what it used to be.'
-- Oscar Cwajbaum (IMSA Class of '93)
'You see me now, a veteran of a thousand psychic wars.
I've been livin' on the edge so long,
Where the winds of limbo roar.
And I'm young enough to look at,
And far too old to see,
All the scars are on the inside...
I'm not sure that there's anything left of me...'
-- Blue Oyster Cult: 'Veteran of the Psychic Wars'
"<Sneeze>" -- Chuck
"Are you okay?" -- Scott
"Does it _really_ matter?" -- Chuck
-- Scott Swanson (IMSA Class of 1990) and Chuck Maddox, in passing
'Somewhere in the corridors someone was heard to sneeze...
Goodness me! could this be Industrial Disease?'
-- Dire Straights: 'Industrial Disease': Love Over Gold
'My life is... complex.'
-- Batman (Michael Keaton): Batman The Motion Picture
'Right here, Right now,
There is no other place I want to be...'
Jesus Jones: 'Right Here, Right Now': Doubt
'Kenneth, what's the frequency?'
-- Unknown mugger of Dan Rather
"NO! that wasn't Chuck, YOU BONEHEAD! that was the kid with the scanner."
-- Unnamed (but not unknown) IMSA Security person...
'The number one requirement of a security guard is that he be insecure'
-- Max Headroom
'I was born number 1, but my parents treated me like number 2'
-- 'The Penguin', (Danny DeVito) : Batman Returns.
"Never trust anyone over 30 called 'Skip'"
-- George Carlin
"My friends, each of you is a single cell in the great body of the State. And
today, that great body has purged itself of parasites. We have triumphed over
the unprincipled dissemination of facts. The thugs and wreckers have been
cast out. And the poisonous weeds of disinformation have been consigned to
the dustbin of history. Let each and every cell rejoice! For today we
celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Information Purification
Directive! We have created, for the first time in all history a garden of
pure ideology, where each worker may bloom secure from the pests of
contradictory and confusing truths. Our Unification of Thought is a more
powerful weapon than any fleet or army on Earth! We are one people.
With one will. One Resolve. One cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves
to death. And we will bury them with their own confusion!.
We shall prevail!"
-- Big Brother, "1984" Commerical, Apple Computer Inc.
'To be yourself in a world that tries, night and day to make you just like
everybody else- is to fight the greatest battle there ever is to fight, and
never stop fighting.'
-- E. E. Cummings
'One thing to say about the Mac; obsolete hardware takes a long time to become
useless, unlike PCs. I like this world...'
-- Dave Gabrius (IMSA Class of '90)
'Interviewer: Is studying computer science the best way to prepare to be a
Bill Gates: No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, is to study
great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went
to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished
out listings of their operating system.'
-- Bill Gates: from "Programmers at Work" by Microsoft Press
"Bill... There's a reason it was in the garbage..."
-- Me!!!
'Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists
elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.'
-- Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes) (Bill Waterson)
'Logic is the begining of wisdom, Lieutenent, not the end of it.'
-- Captain Spock, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
"Is not the begining of wisdom the words: 'I do not know'?"
-- Data, Star Trek: TNG: "Where Silence Has Lease"
'Good manners, are never a waste of time'
-- Cyrus Redblock, Star Trek: TNG, "The Big Goodbye"
'SHUT UP! Wesley!'
-- Picard, Dr. Crusher, Star Trek: TNG: "Datalore" (among many many others...)
'I am _NOT_ a merry man!'
-- Worf, Star Trek TNG: "Q-pid"
'Your ambush would have been more successful if you bathed more frequently.'
-- Worf, Star Trek TNG: 'The Vengeance Factor'
'Congratulations, you have achieved full dilation of 10cm.
You may now give birth.'
-- Worf, Star Trek TNG: 'Disaster'
'It is... Green.'
-- Scotty, Star Trek TOS: 'By Any Other Name'
'It is... Green.'
-- Data, Star Trek TNG: 'Relics'
"With the first link, a chain is forged. The first speech censured, the
first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all,
-- Judge Aaron Satie
as quoted by Jon-Luc Picard, Star Trek TNG: The Drumhead
'When they took the fourth amendment, I was silent because I don't deal drugs.
When they took the sixth amendment, I kept quiet because I know I'm innocent.
When they took the second amendment, I said nothing because I don't own a gun.
Now they've come for the first amendment, and I can't say anything at all.
-- Tim Freeman
'Underpromise and Overdeliver'
-- Guy Kawasaki "The Macintosh Way"
'Improvise, Adapt, Overcome!'
-- Gunnery Sargent Thomas Highway (Clint Eastwood)
from the movie 'HeartBreak Ridge'
'Never Trust a computer that you can't lift'
-- The original Macintosh at "it's" rollout on 24 Jan, 1984.
'If power corrupts, then PowerBooks corrupt, absolutly'
-- Cartoon in MacWeek
'That's not what a Mac does. I want Mac on the PC, I want Mac on the PC!'
-- Bill Gates, Gates (p.54)
'Don't ask what sort of computer a person drives...
If he's a Mac-driver, He'll tell you.
If He's not, Why embarrass him?'
-- Tom Clancy
'<A HREF="http://gluon.imsa.edu/~scott/home.html">Plain text is for wimps.</A>'
-- Scott Swanson (IMSA Class of '90) {hear! hear!}
'At Apple, quality is job 1.1.1"
-- Seen in MacWeek 
"To see tomorrow's PC, look at today's Macintosh."
-- BYTE magazine, October 1994 {even more true today}
'On a clear disk you can seek forever'
-- Unknown
'Shift to the left!
Shift to the right!
Pop up, push down,
Byte, byte, byte!'
-- The DP cheerbook...
"Now is the Windows of our disk contents
Made glorious SimEarth by this son of Zork."
-- from Richard v3.0
'You load sixteen bytes, and where are you at?
Another frame pointer and deep on the stack.
Root process, don't you call me, cause I'm swapped out,
And my NFS server has just timed out.'
-- Scott Swanson (IMSA Class of 1990), Mike McCool (IMSA Class of 1991)
(sung to the tune of 'Sixteen Tons')
'Quotas and notas and lack of free disk space.
Uptime and downtime and running a net trace.
Dealing with those who seriously need clues.
These are a few of the sysadm blues.'
-- Eric Gustafson (IMSA Class of 1994)
(sung to the tune 'A few of my favorite things')
'Oh, beautiful
For baseless slams
Which are a big old paiiiiin.
For hundred-response travesties
that Admin can't explain.
Oh, wreck.announce, oh wreck.announce,
we shed our waste on thee.
Where hides the gloss,
amid so much dross
from Shift-Z to Shift-Z!'
-- Mike Kimmitt IMSA Class of 1994)
(sung to the tune of 'America the Beautiful')
"Technology moves like a steamroller;
if you're not driving, you're Pavement."
-- attributed to Stewart Brand Media Labs (Slightly modified)
"Microsoft Customer Support, May I put you on hold for an hour?"
-- Tom Servo : Mystery Science Theatre 3000: Master Ninja II
'In recent research, prolonged exposure of a CPU or group of CPUs
to the presence of Oscar Cwajbaum will inevitably cause Novell.'
-- Eric Gustafson (aka 'the kid with the scanner') (IMSA Class of 1994)
'I'm glad I'm working with more predictable things, such as dice.'
-- Jonathan Hayward (IMSA Class of 1992)
(in a conversation with Ryan Pierce about the Simpsons {a cluster of PS/2 Servers})
-- Compliments of downwind.sprl.umich.edu 3000
'cold-hearted orb that rules the night
removes the colours from our sight,
red is grey, and yellow white,
but we decide which is right,
and which is an illusion.'
-- Epilogue from 'Knights in White Satin', Moody Blues.
'Breathe deep, the gathering gloom
Pizza boxes fill your room
Roving roaches seal your doom
Run right out and buy a broom,
You can use the rent money.
Cold-hearted orb that rules the night
Dead flies in your ceiling light
Pipes are grey and plaster white,
But we decide which version's right
And which is a parody.'
-- Epilogue from 'Knights in White Satin', Moody Blues NOT!
'Nuclear weapons can wipe out life on earth, if used properly...'
-- Talking Heads: from the liner notes: Stop Making Sense
'Let there be light.'
-- Bomb #20 From the movie "Dark Star"
Mail whos@ddsw1.mcs.com. | Whos at ddsw1? | Yes! | What? | No, whos! | Huh? |
Who? | Who what? | No, whos@ddsw1.mcs.com! | Where? | DDSW1! | Who's there?|
Right! | Right? | Yes! | Oh, right@ddsw1.mcs.com? | No, WHOS@ddsw1.mcs.com! |
That's what I wanna find out! | What? | Who! | He's at ddsw1! | AAAAAAAAAGH!|
-- whos@ddsw1.mcs.com
'I just wanted to tell you both "Good Luck" we're all counting on you...'
-- Dr. Rumack (Leslie Neilsen) from the movie Airplane
'It works better if it's:
1) Plugged in,
2) Turned on,
3) Plugged in TOGETHER... '
-- Me!
'I think that some of our users are on too much caffeine or something...
they're beginning to scare me.'
-- Eric Gustafson on 24 November 1993 (IMSA Class of 1994)
(I think he woke up and smelled the coffee...)
'In the year 9595
I'm kinda wondering if man's gonna be alive
He's taken everything this old earth can give
And he ain't put back nothing...
Now man's come 10,000 years,
Man has cried a billion tears,
for what he never knew,
now man's reign is through,
But through enternal night,
The twinkling of star light,
so very far away,
maybe it's only yesterday...'
-- Zager and Evans, 'In the year 2525'
-- Butthead, 'Beavis and Butthead'
'Far out, Man!'
-- Cheech Marin: 'Sister Mary Elephant'
'Part of apathy is the unawareness of apathy precluding the desire to be cool
by being apathetic because caring about being cool is truly not caring not
trying to prove to everyone you don't care.'
-- Mike McCool doing his Dan Quayle thing...
'My senior year, I thought I had mono.
Turned out that I was just really bored.'
-- Mike Kimmitt (IMSA Class of 19'94)
'I am now 22 and some months. On good days I remember things for more than
a few moments at a time. On bad days, I sit in the corner and drool on
-- Sendhil Revuluri (IMSA Class of 1990) discussing the IMSA Experience...
'I just wanted to tell you both "Good Luck" we're all counting on you...'
-- Dr. Rumack (Leslie Neilsen) from the movie Airplane
'Up and down"
-- Me when asked 'How's it going?' when yo-yoing.
'My horse is having a baby in May.'
-- Jessica Joy
'Oh really?!? O.K.... who's the father??' (In response to the above...)
-- Amanda Mark (IMSA Class of 19'93)
"Spank me. I'll be there and I'll bring cash."
-- Casey Westerman
"Question Authority"
-- Unknown
-- Underneath
"First came the churches,
then came the schools,
then came the lawyers,
then came the rules...'
-- Telegraph Road, Dire Straights, Love Over Gold
'If man is created in God's image, how do you explain Pee Wee Herman?'
-- Mike McCool
'Not responsible for topographical errors.'
-- Mapmaker's disclaimer
'God is real, unless declared integer.'
-- Blaise Pascal
'Too much of anything, even love, is not necessarilly a good thing'
-- William Shatner, James T. Kirk: "Trouble with Tribbles"
'By this time my lungs were _aching_ for air'
-- Lloyd Bridges : From the TV Series: Sea Hunt
'Nobody leaves here without singing the blues.'
-- Albert Collins : 'Adventures in Babysitting'
'Ya gotta pay your dues,
if you wanna sing the blues,
and you know it just ain't easy...'
-- Ringo Starr, 'It's not easy'
'I met a girl who sang the blues,
and I asked her for some happy news.
She just smiled and turned away...'
-- Don McLean, American Pie
'They say a broken heart, can always mend,
That time is the healer, the sadness will end,
But I've done so much crying, when will I laugh again?
Till that day, I will play, the blues.
Everybody, knows what the blues is all about,
It's a pain you can't live with,
It's a woman you can't live without.
She came from Chicago, she read me the news,
In the headlines, was a story, of the blues.'
-- Gary Moore, 'Story of the Blues': 'After Hours'
"Computer, shut this bloody thing off!"
-- Captain Scott, "Relics", Star Trek: TNG

Click here to return to my home page.